انترنيت رسمي

تنعى عشائر الانترنيت في العراق فقيدها الراحل فيس بوك والذي وافاه الأجل أثر حجب مُتعمد نتيجة الأحداث الأخيرة.

تلك العبارة (المضحكة المبكية) هي التي استفزت كيبورد الحاسبة ليغرد بحروفه عما يجري لخدمة الانترنيت في العراق، معطياً لنا صورة عن مدى الاستهزاء الكبير لدى العراقيين من تلك الخدمة (المخجلة محلياً والمفيدة عالمياً).

فما أن تستيقظ صباحاً جالساً أمام طعامك (بيدك لفة الريوك) وتنتظر الانترنيت (والموبايل بيدك الثانية)، ليباشر دوامه من الساعة الثامنة صباحاً بأمر من وزارة الاتصالات وتحت شعار (موظف ويفوت عالبصمة)، علماً ان دخوله لا يتم إلا ببصمة دخول تدعى (برامج VPN)، وهي مجموعة من البرامج تعمل على كسر الحجب للدخول إلى خدمة الانترنيت.

هنا تصدر شيخ البرامج (الحاج المجاهد سايفون) مُعلناً موقفه من السماح لتلك الخدمة بالدخول إلى دوامها الرسمي، ليستخدمها المواطنون بطريقة بطيئة وبغياب الكثير منهم عنها في وسائل التواصل ممن قاموا بمسح (البرنامج أبو الخبزة) ولم يتعضوا من تكرار قطع الانترنيت على مدى السنوات السابقة وموقف (الحاج سايفون) معهم في كل قطع، أي بالمختصر (تفوت للفيس تحس نفسك بصحراء).

بعد البصمة يعيش المواطن يومه تحت شد عصبي باستخدامه تلك الخدمة التي ممكن أن تقطع في أي لحظة، وهنا يشدك مشهد متكرر لأسئلة وعبارات في كل مكان، الشارع ، سيارة الكيا الأجرة، في الوظيفة، عند دخولك المنزل، الكل يسأل ويردد (إجه النت؟ رجع الانترنيت؟ ديفتح عندك عادي لو إلا سايفون).

وتستمر الساعات حتى تقترب الدقائق الأخيرة لرحيله والعودة للحياة العامة، فيتسارع الجميع (تعليقات بالفيس، لايكات، مشاركة فيديوات، اتصالات)، وبين هذه الضجة من الاستخدام يُعلن الانترنيت مغادرة الدوام رسمياً عند الرابعة عصراً، مستمراً على هذا الحال لأيام طويلة، تاركاً خلفه التساؤلات والمشاكل الكثيرة، ومغيراً بذلك التصرف أوقات النوم المعتادة لدى الكثير من الذين كانوا يسهرون الليل لساعات متأخرة، حتى أصبح توقيت نومهم لا يتعدى التاسعة مساءاً مطبقين المقولة الشهيرة (نَم مبكراً لتستيقظ مبكراً).

تلك الأيام التي شاهدنا فيها طرائف وغرائب كثيرة، كان أولها تزاحم الشباب على محال (البليستيشن، والنيتوورك) كما يسميها الشباب في أيامنا الحالية، علماً إن تزاحمهم هو لأجل لعب لساعة واحدة بمبلغ (ألف دينار)، لأن الجميع لا يعرف لمن يوفر المبلغ المتواجد في جيبه، للسكائر أم للانترنيت أم للعب، أم يدخرها لشراء رصيد الموبايل الذي اختفى هو الأخر لأيام مع حظر التجوال المفاجئ وكثر استخدامه في الاتصالات وإرسال الرسائل النصية.

مشهد آخر يأخذنا إلى صالات البليارد وقاعات (الكوفي شوب) التي امتلأت بالشباب الذين فضلوا الجلوس مع (النركيلة والدومنه) على بقاءهم لأيام عدة أمام شاشات التلفاز التي لم تعرض لهم سوى خطابات ووعود مكررة (عفى عليها الزمن) ولم يجد لها المشاهدون سوى إجابة (خليولن مو كافي جذب).

ينتهي المشهد بعودة مخجلة لخدمة الانترنيت بعد فترة طويلة لانقطاعه وحجب جميع وسائل التواصل معه، مُنهياً بذلك خدمته الرسمية التي كانت محط استهزاء وضحك من قبل العراقيين على دخوله بالبصمة وخروجه بلا استئذان.

وهنا تنتهي الحكاية بعبارة عراقية جميلة من ألسن متحدثيها (راح النت إجه النت وكلشي ما افتهمنه من يومنه غير بس ننتظره مثل إهلال العيد).

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