أنا أشجع خيتافي… لكم المجد ولي المال

كثيرا ما أنقذني فريق نادي خيتافي الاسباني بكرة القدم من الدخول في ورطة مجادلات مشجعي الكرة المجانين ولا سيما أصدقائي ومعظمهم مثقفون وأكاديميون يرتدون ثياب الوقار في الشارع ومكاتب عملهم وأمام طلابهم لكن ما أن يجمعنا اللقاء بعد واحدة من تلك المباريات حتى يتبخر الوقار وينقسمون الى فصيلين متحاربين يتطاير الحقد من أعينهم.
يبدأ الأمر عادة بشتائم تمشيطية متبادلة موجهة الى لاعبي ومدرب الفريق الخصم، ثم ينتقلون بها مع شكوك واتهامات بالتحيز الى حكم الوسط ومساعديه ثم مراقب المباراة ويسخرون من المعلق ومحللي المباراة. وخلال الوقت المستقطع يتذكرون وجودي، ويخففون بي غضبهم وفي أعينهم نظرة تعاطف لأن فريقي الذي اشجعه (خيتافي) خاسر على الدوام يهبط من الدرجة الاولى ويصعد إليها دون أن يتسبب يتسبب بمشاكل جماهيرية وحتى إن أحدث معجزة ما بالفوز على أي من فريقيهما ريال مدريد أو برشلونة فأنهم يتعاملون مع الأمر بروح رياضية عالية ويمتدحون لاعبي فريقي المكافح وحسن أخلاقي الرياضية المسالمة ثم يعودون لمشاجراتهم الكلامية التي لا تنتهي.
(الختفنة) أسلوبٌ حياتيٌ رافقني منذ مراحل الدراسة الأولى وحتى في الكلية، فقد كانت درجاتي الإمتحانية تبقيني متأرجحا في الوسط، بينما كان الصراع على أشده دوماً بين زملائي التلاميذ أو الطلاب الشطار والمتكدسين عادة في المقاعد الأولى يقتلون أنفسهم هناك من أجل إرضاء المعلمين والمدرسين والحصول على درجات عالية تنظم إفراز هرمون التفوق في اجسادهم بينما كنت أشعر أنا بسلام روحي ومسترخيٍ في الغالب على واحدة من تلك المقاعد الخلفية التي تسمونها ظلماً(خانة الشوادي)أو الكسالى!
هذه المقاعد صارت جزءاً من(ختفنتي)في المؤتمرات أو الندوات أو الجلسات التي حضرتها بعدها بسنوات وأنا أديب وصحفي. فالمتعارف عليه لدينا في العراق أن الذين يجلسون في الصفوف الأولى هم الأعلى شأنا والأفضل إبداعاً وأيضاً الأكثر حصولاً على الدروع وشهادات التقدير. أياً من هذه الأشياء لا تهمني حقيقة، لهذا بقيت متشبثاً بمقاعد الكسالى الخلفية وسأوصي أبنائي بأن يدفنوني في الخطوط الخلفية للمقابر لأنني أريد المحافظة على(ختفنتي)في الدنيا والآخرة.
نسيت أن أخبركم بأنني وخلال عملي في المحاماة، أكتشفت بأن الخيتافيين أجورهم زهيدة لذا فمكانتهم المهنية في ذيل الترتيب وحتى في محاكم استئناف نينوى كانت هنالك مقاعد أمامية للمحامين الحيتان وأكثرهم شهرة هم الذين يعرفون أكبر قدر ممكن من ضباط الشرطة ويتمتعون بعلاقات جيدة مع القضاة ولديهم خلفيات عشائرية كبيرة وصلبة. نادراً ما تصادفهم في المحكمة وحتى إذا حضروا لا يجالسون بجوار الخيتافيين أمثالي بل لديهم غرفة خاصة يجلسون فيها صامتين مثل التماثيل وبين أرجلهم حقائبهم السمسونايت الغالية والمنتفخة بأوراق الدعاوى. على أية حال كان هذا قبل أن يلغي داعش الدوري، عفوا محاكم الموصل ويحرم مهنة المحاماة، حتى أنني سمعت بأن هؤلاء الحيتان شغلوا أمكنتنا الخيتافية من موقع أدنى في محاكم أربيل ودهوك بعد حزيران 2014 وعادوا إلى سيرهم الأولى بعد التحرير وهذه المرة تسندهم فصائل مسلحة يتاج المرء إلى قائمة طويلة لكي يتمكن من حصرها. لذا فعمل غير الخيتافيين مزدهر هذه الأيام.
أما في الصحافة فالأفضلية دائما لمن يؤدي جيداً لكن مع ذلك هنالك صراع في المقدمة ونضال في المؤخرة لتجنب الهبوط وفقدان العمل. إحزروا ماذا؟ أنا خيتافيٌ هنا كذلك وتأقلمت مع ترتيبي في وسط جدول الترتيب، بل وقضيت سنوات طويلة بسبب ظرف الموصل الأمني لموتور أكتب بأسماء مستعارة حتى صارت أشهر من أسمي مثل( عادل كمال وجرجيس توما)والطريف أن جريدة المدى التي عملت فيها على سبيل المثال لنحو عشر سنوات، كانت تنشر تقارير عادل كمال بالغة الخطورة عن الموصل نقلا عن نقاش الالمانية وأحيانا وفي الصفحة ذاتها تنشر خبراً تافهاً من الموصل باسمي الصريح وفي نهاية الشهر كان يعاتبني مدير التحرير بسبب قلة انتاجيتي ويتأسف لأنني لن استلم الراتب كاملاً لذلك الشهر وكنت أتمسك حتى وأنا بذلك الوضع بختفنتي ولا أدافع عن نفسي لأن المدى كانت ترفض أن يعمل صحفيوها لصالح مؤسسات صحفية أخرى.
سألني أحد الرياليين أو البرشلونيين لم أعد أذكر تحديدا أياً منهما كان يشجع: ” لم لا تجمع الأثنين، المجد والمال” فقلت له حكمتي الشهيرة وأنا أتحسس جيبي وأتذكر ايجار المنزل ومصاريف العائلة التي تكسر الظهر : ” لكم المجد ولي المال !”.
في الأدب. نادراً ما تجد خيتافياً، فالغالبية العظمى يريدون كاس الدوري لأنفسهم ولا يعترفون أبداُ بأي فائز. وحتى في هذا الوسط بقيت سنوات طويلة أراوح في مكاني أتابع أو أنشر للرياليين أو البرشلونيين فتوحاتهم الكتابية في الصحف العديدة التي عملت فيها. ولنكن واقعيين فان توهم البعض بأنني تقدمت مؤخرا في الترتيب مرده أن مطرب الحي لا يطرب ولن تنمو قيد شبر وأنت في مدينتك وبين أصدقائك لكن وطالماً أنك في أوربا وتصدر من هناك منجزاتك وتتنقل مثل قرد من شجرة بلاد الى أخرى فهذا يعني بأنك جيد وبالمحصلة لابد من احترامك أو في الأقل تذكرك بين الحين والآخر. ولن تستطيع في هذه الحالة أن تقنعهم أبداً بأن الواحد على الواحد منا أن يظل خيتافياً أينما كان ومهما فعل لكي يعيش بسلام.

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